The Middle

Last time I felt like this was when the closest thing that Gideon has had to a real father came along. When I was pregnant, I felt beyond alone. I remember sobbing uncontrollably because I felt so alone, crying out to God, saying, "I don't know why you think I can handle this, because I can't. I'm weaker than you think." Except for a select few, I can say that most of my friends deserted me during that time. I did feel let down. God became by rock. Then I found a kindred spirit, someone who also felt on the outskirts, and a friendship slowly began. I'm always the first to say that I didn't even like him at the beginning. I thought he was a weirdo. But when you spend enough sleepless nights on the phone with someone, your heart grows very close to that person, and eventually, there's that pivotal moment where that person does something above and beyond and you realize that you are in fact, in love. For me that moment happened after a very rough night, I was feeling very hurt by people that I had thought were my friends and he called me and listened while I cried (oh the tears of a 7 month pregnant woman) and he opened up to me and trusted me with his feelings. After that 4-5 hour phone call was when I stood in my kitchen and said out loud, "Ugh. I love him", shook my head and sighed. Our lives were complicated. We thought we were broken. But God can make whole the broken. And that's just what he began to do.